Fifteenth Blogger Challenge: Poetry Ping-Pong | Longing

First four parts were written by these talents: Shahd (@Rambling_sha), Maitha aka Maitou (@Mayoothi), Sophie (@Sosepho), and Faisal (@FaisaliqKhan). In that order.

You may ignore this crap: THIS was a serious challenge for me. Honestly. Because-- To be completely honest-- I don't even know what I'm doing when I write poetry. I just write what I feel, and whatever comes out is it. So, having to continue a poem was more than just a challenge. And in addition to that, their parts were incredible. And I felt a little bit out of place, so I might have run out of their main theme, or disrupted the rhythm. xD (< That was inappropriately necessary. I just had to.)
I'MSORREH. ;-;

(My part's in Bold. Or whatever.)

I’m a long way away,

From who I used to be.

Heading into the storm of the unknown,

Dreaming of what will be

Dreading what was,

Neglecting my past

But it still haunts me

Here I am today,

Dreadful but striving to stay

Fighting and kicking

Begging for help but I’m not heard

What have you done to me?

I want you

I need you

But yet you’re ignoring me

I shout

I scream

I cry

And again you’re scorning me

Am I worthless to you now?

After handling all the pain just to see you smile?

I don’t care

I don’t care

I lie

Hoping one day I believe that lie.

The lie of us coming together,

The fairy-tale I long for,

The tantalizing love everyone rambles about,

I want that.

But there’s a long way ahead of me,

And a past that carves my being.

What if you won’t accept me?

What if you don’t long for me too?

I want to live,

But what is life without your presence?

Tell me.

Do you feel the same way too?

Or am I making up these stories to fool myself?

Because I stand by the shore,

Talking to the sea,

About you,

And the waves clash,

Threatening me from moving any further.

So tell me,

Where do I go from now?

Should I go along with the tides?

As they drown me,

Entangle me, with your feelings about me?

I hope they take me to a peaceful dwelling where you will not exist,

But the nostalgia of our love, plagues my mind, they collide and abide,

I did not know your personality had a twist,

Or was it mine that you denied?

What have I done that diluted our conversations, I only ask?

What mistakes have I done, O loved one, which misguided your trust from my love, and twirled it into hate?

I only wished to be with you, though you thought I was wearing a mask,

I only wished to love you, although I not ever supposed that it could have changed my fate,

I have now travelled across the ocean of our past, and have found someone else. A Mayflower,

Someone who takes me for granted whilst never fails to grant me a happy hour,

Someone who loves me, and ponders that I had been enchanted,

I overthink way too much, she says, that I should ‘be original’, and should learn to create myself because she cares about me, and herself,

I try, I do try for her, but trying is not enough for her,

The thing that bothers me, O dear one,

Is that I only wanted you to be with me,

Leaving the world alone,

But I knew that was impossible, and could not happen,

I cannot adore this new person, because my adorns had disappeared with you,

My life is taken with you, my hopes and dreams travel with you,

I am now trying to be resilient, hopeful, and motivated, that you will return someday back to me,

I only wish, that you were here, alive, in my arms, so I again could give you more love, so you would again be with me,

Nonetheless I fear, that you may hate me more, and think that I am frustrating you, irritating you,

With those three words, with those three sentences you hated, but dear, it is the cold hard truth misshapen

I miss you. I adore you. I miss you.

And it is only that sad truth,

In those sad three little words,

That forced me to look back and see,

All that we had, and all that we used to be.

Don’t you remember?

Or was I the only who danced to our Melody—

My Melody?

Was I the only who could hear the music, or did you too?

If I were alone in this, then do forgive me.

For loving a love, that was never there.

Forgive me, for being enchanted by some false enchantment.

And do forget me, if it helps lighten the moon at night.

But I had only wished to say,

 That even with my New,

I still feel quiet old.

Because I stand in the present with Time,

Yet my heart still lingers in the Past.

Where our hearts had once been bound,

By a secret only I thought were real.

I am None.

If this is my time, take me now.

I’ve only felt this moment in my bones,

Deep within my filaments,

In every corner of my very Dark.

And when you take me,

I want to feel the terror of my soul,

Tearing from every corner it had once been crafted to.

I want to feel every inch of every wince of every cut.

And I only deserve more.

Do not let me rest,

Do not let me breathe,

Do not let me hold on to a stretch of a single line of happiness—

I deserve less.

And take this as the message of my parting:

I am sorry, but do not forgive me.

I’ve done so many wrongs,

And I’ve hurt too many Rights,

I’ve broken so many hearts,

And I’ve mended no bonds.

I’ve been a Wrong, and I’ve lived as a Wrong,

I am sorry for all that I have done, but please do not forgive me.

When my funeral comes, you may let me rot.

You may burn my photographs, and all my clothes

You may destroy my bedroom; you may burn my books.

You may burn my sheets and all my pillows.

Take my terrible poetry, and all my stories and throw them away.

Because I have treated those that I have loved,

Like I’ve never loved them at all.

And I yelled, and I broke, and I put no blame.

And I am lesser than less, and I will love you in my death.

So in this parting, and after reading this:

I hope you understand,

That I am I’m sorry for loving in all the wrong ways.

So if it is my time, please take me now.

The Castle of Glory

I’ve said it a thousand times. It’s a spark; A heartbeat; A melody; A thousand raindrops meeting gravel; The hug of the wind.; The music in laughter; and a thousand more the-s. It’s what keeps us centered and whole. What makes us look more than up, and never down.  It’s what we’re always born with and who we are—Our dreams. As corny as it may sound, it’s true, at least to me. Our dreams are somewhere there inside all of our cores, and what we do, is we build a castle out of it—an entire reign—and then we suddenly separate it from our reality. We start talking about how heavy and loaded and absurd and difficult it is. So we just keep it there.

And we do nothing.

But we still never stopped talking about it. We still talked about this and that and how it might come to be, and how maybe, just maybe it could be possible, and for a second we believed! Then, we would just let rain pour down our reign, and we would let it take our castle away, as if all of our hope and work were built with paper.

But we still kept our dreams there inside and we never spoke about it ever again, we only let it guard us from our reality. So all we could do is stay enveloped and encased in a wall of maybes and mights.

Because we got scared and it was like the world’s most powerful fuel didn’t course through our blood because we can dream. We got terrified, and we hid, without realizing our power, and it was disgusting; Completely revolting to hold back The Castle of Glory because someone said no.

And now I don’t want to sit back and watch anymore. I don’t want to look inside my head, when I can bring my light forth, because I have light inside of me. We all do. And we’ll never be afraid ever again. We’ll never lose our light because others had lost theirs. We’ll sparkle and we’ll glisten, and we’ll sing, and we’ll dance, as our dreams become our reality, and we’ll dance again, and we’ll sing again, and we’ll glisten and sparkle again, because we dreamt and we dream and we’ll dream.